I hate everything, I don’t get why I am still here. I don’t why I was placed on this earth. I want to be dead. And I want to kill myself soon. I can’t deal with ANYTHING.. every little thing makes me wish I could just be gone. I miss cutting, oh
I miss it so bad. I miss the blood the most. But looking at all my scars make me sick. I hate them. They ruin my life. I’m not just ugly, or chubby. I have disgusting scars all over. My boyfriend is the only reason I am still here. Whenever I’m sad, no matter how upset. If he just called me ONCE for a few minutes. My whole day would be brighter but nope. I love him more than anything, I’d give him anything in the world. I will marry this boy. If I make it until then. My body almost craves him, and when I don’t see him, it feels like I have nothing to live for, my stomach drops. I don’t want to neeeed to see him to be better, but that’s how it is and I can’t help it. I sit in my room crying, with a handful of pills , or holding my razor, I just wanna do it. I wanna take every single one of those pills, I wanna glide that razor starting from my wrist, all the way down my forearm. I want it deep, and I don’t want to survive it. I would wanna tell my boyfriend I’m sorry, and I do love him. And I wish
I was stronger. Because the only thing that makes me cry about wanting to kill myself; is him. That I’m leaving him. That’s awful. But telling him that I was doing it would save my life. He’d call my parents or the cops and send the straight to my
House. I don’t want to be saved when I do this. I don’t wanna wake up in a hospital bed again… that’s worse.
college is for people who plan on living past 30